Bill Clinton joins WWE

By Iyama Wannabe
Sports Reporter

STAMFORD, Conn. -- Former U.S. President Bill Clinton today signed a three-year, $30 million contract with World Wrestling Entertainment and promised to unleash massive amounts of cruelty, verbal abuse and spittle upon its veteran members.

Dubbing himself "The Arkansas Assassin," Clinton immediately challenged 14-time WCW world heavyweight wrestling champion Ric Flair to "an Arkansas ass-whoopin'!" 

"I tell you this, and I tell you now, Ric Flair!" Clinton shouted. "Chris Wallace is a real man compared to you! When I get through with you, you're gonna feel worse than one of my ex-girlfriends!" he yelled. Clinton then hollered his new wrestling catch-phrase: "I didn't do it!"

As soon as Clinton finished, Flair leapt out from behind the curtain and lobbed his own verbal barrage at the former president.

"Woooooooooooooo! I got news for you, Mister President!" Flair screamed. "It's time to go back to school! Woooooo! I'm gonna put you in so much pain that you'll remember what the meaning of 'is' is! Wooooo! I'll have you screamin', 'Save me, Ken Starr! Save me!'  Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!"

At this, Clinton lunged at Flair and had to be restrained by WWE Chairman Vince McMahon while Clinton's Secret Service agents attempted to remove the sledge hammer from Flair's hands.

After security guards led away both wrestlers and a cleaning crew was called in to mop up the saliva, McMahon explained his signing of the former president.

"Bill Clinton has all the makings of a great professional wrestler, McMahon said. "He has the charisma, the energy, the hair, and the ability to lie convincingly. Plus, he's used to working half-naked."

Some fans, however, were skeptical.

"I dunno," said Ricky Tidwinkle, a fan from Jacksonville, N.C. "Adding Bill Clinton to the WWE... Isn't that kinda like pissin' in a perfectly good can of beer?"   

Comments

[Woody]

I thought that Bill Clinton was going to pick up a folding chair and hit Chris Wallace with it.