Scientists: Al Gore primary cause of global warming

By Calla Dewilde
Environment Reporter

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- A panel of the world's leading climatologists released a "conclusive" study today showing that he existence of former Vice President Al Gore is "the primary cause of global warming."

"Ninety-eight percent of global warming can be attributed solely to the existence of Al Gore," said Massachusetts Institute of Technology climatologist Dhananjay Wilson.

"Global temperatures really began to take off in 1948 -- the year Al Gore was born. With highly sensitive devices made possible by a federal earmark Gore himself inserted into a military spending bill back in 1991, we've been able to trace almost all of the rise in the earth's temperature directly to Gore's own physical existence. We think it has something to do with his unstoppable, seething anger. The remaining 2 percent we think is attributable to Gore's dog, Shiloh."

Gore was at a United Nations conference on global climate change when the report was released. Asked for comment, he called the report inconclusive and said scientists remained divided on the cause of global warming. He blamed the rise in the earth's temperatures on cigarettes, lava lamps and "that damned Ralph Nader."

In the scientific community, however, the findings immediately drew widespread consensus. Scientists worldwide called for an immediate halt to all Al Gore emissions, as well as a global treaty to prevent the creation of any more Al Gores in the future. White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said President Bush would immediately sign such a treaty the moment it settled upon his desk.

Comments

[Van Helsing]

Here's some more evidence of Gore's contribution to global warming:

http://www.moonbattery.com/archives/GOREZILLA.jpg

[spacemonkey]

Hah!

Whoever you are (wink wink, nudge nudge), this is some funny stuff!

[nemo paradise]

It is highly disrespectful to the former Vice President to suggest, even in jest, that he is "responsible" for global warming, and does him a great injustice. In fact, as is well-documented, Mr. Gore invented global warming while on a break from whistling up the internet. Credit where credit is due, please. By the way, "An Incovenient Truth" proves this achievement beyond any reasonable demur, as the bulk of the book is sheer fantasy -- and what else but fantasy is invention?

[KSR]

If any of the contributors of this blog are hot, "Will you marry me?"

...or at least send me Foley-esque instant messages??

Great Site.

[BelchSpeak]

The Nuremburg Climate Crimes Commission, setup by the United Nations to prosecute Climate Change Deniers, had to postpone opening arguments due to begin next week, in part because the Prosecution Team would be late arriving.

Al Gore, chief prosecutor for the Nuremburg Climate Crimes Commission, was trapped in a freak mid-October snowstorm in a Chicago Suburb Friday morning. According to his spokesperson, "The Chicago area airports are having difficulty in removing the snow from the runways. We will be late flying out."

Asked how global warming caused the snow storm, Gore responded "It is a butterfly effect. The expanding deserts in Africa and Asia are putting more dust and sand in the sky, which is blocking out the sun here in the North American continent. But when this snow melts, you will see that all of Peoria will be under 20 feet of water. This is a perfect example of the dangers of climate change."

[Peggy McGilligan]

Nobel Peace Prize: NEW Global Warming Antiperspirant

AP – Al Gore has for a long time been full of hot air. He has a vivid imagination about the world around him. His inherent mistrust of the seasons seems to stem from an episode of the Twilight Zone, in which the Earth gets too close to the Sun. Summers are hot & sticky, and Al is probably the single individual who has done most to create greater worldwide understanding of the measures needed to create a more effective global deodorant.

If former college roommate, Tommy Lee Jones, could save the City of Los Angeles from errant magma (Volcano), and the world entire from a giant cockroach (Men In Black), then certainly big Al Gore deserves a prize for his global initiative to combat global wetness. The same active ingredient and trusted formula that kept our leaders dry during the Cold War – now in unscented. As the planet heats up, you don’t have to! Clinton tested: guaranteed to leave no trace.

Now that Global Warming has been legitimized, a “private group” out of Monterey California of all places, wants to seed the North Atlantic with iron oxide particulate, to help plankton absorb more carbon dioxide (greenhouse gasses). Strategy: “cleanup the planet and make a buck on the side.” Another inconvenient truth; here’s how their misguided scam to pirate the “Peace Dividend” sparked the worst terrorist attacks on United States soil: http://theseedsof9-11.com

[Roseline Adebayo]

What Are Greenhouse Gases?
Many chemical compounds found in the Earth’s atmosphere act as “greenhouse gases.” These gases allow sunlight to enter the atmosphere freely. When sunlight strikes the Earth’s surface, some of it is reflected back towards space as infrared radiation (heat). Greenhouse gases absorb this infrared radiation and trap the heat in the atmosphere. Over time, the amount of energy sent from the sun to the Earth’s surface should be about the same as the amount of energy radiated back into space, leaving the temperature of the Earth’s surface roughly constant.