By Bea Loughnee
WASHINGTON -- Vice President Dick Cheney signaled a major strategic shift in the War on Terror today when he invited all terrorists for a swim at his home.
"Yeah, I figured, maybe the polling is right and the American people really don't want us to be tough on the terrorists anymore," Cheney said. "I'm a little new at this dialog stuff, but I thought, what the heck, I'll give it a try. So I've invited all al-Qaida members and any other terrorists to come over for a dunk... er, a dip in the pool."
"Besides, it's a beautiful late October day in D.C., perfect for nice, relaxing swim. I've got the grill going; it's going to be awesome. And to ensure everyone's safety, I've hired 300 lifeguards. Wouldn't want any, you know, mishaps or anything. If the guys happen to look a little like U.S. Marines, ah, don't be alarmed. It's Halloween and all, you know. They're just, um, in costume. Oh, and please ignore the sharks."
So far the vice president and his 300 lifeguards are the only ones at the pool, as no terrorists have accepted the offer. Terrorist spokesmen contacted by Guns 'n' Butter said they were fearful that when the vice president said "swim," he really meant "waterboard the sons of bitches till they cry like John Kerry."