John Bolton too sexy for U.N.

By Fu Tyle
U.N. Reporter

WASHINGTON -- Announcing that he is "too sexy" for the United Nations, John Bolton yesterday resigned his position as U.S. ambassador to the world body.

"I'm too sexy for the U.N., too sexy for the U.N., too sex-y," Bolton said at a press conference. "Constantly fending off the advances of the U.N.'s handful of female ambassadors has taken its toll and I can no longer perform my duties with the level of concentration and attention to detail that they deserve."

Bolton's sudden departure left the Bush administration scrambling to find a new Mr. July for its 2007 Men of the Bush Administration calendar. "First Rumsfeld resigned and we had to find a new Mr. November, now this!" said White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. He said calls have been placed to Veterans Affairs Secretary Jim Nicholson. The calendars featuring Bolton already have become hot sellers on eBay.

Flanked by a throng of adoring women, Bolton would not say what his next move would be, only that it probably would involve lots of baby oil.