Ford Farewell Tour to last longer than Ford administration

By Bea Loughnee
Washington Reporter

WASHINGTON -- Due to the overwhelming popularity of the dead former president, concert promoters have signed the Gerald Ford Farewell Tour to a 900-day extension, ensuring that the Ford funeral will last longer than the entire Ford administration.

"It's a must-see!" says Newsweek concert reviewer Trevor Hastings. "The pomp, the circumstance, the lifeless body! Don't miss it!"

Public reaction to the death of the former president has been unexpectedly positive, making the Farewell Tour the highest-grossing act of the new year, raking in millions for television advertisers and D.C.-area hot dog vendors.

"Honestly, I never knew how much I loved the guy until he died," said Arlington, Va., resident Peter Westlake. "Now I just can't get enough of his humble, mid-western sensibility and the way he looks like an older Kelsey Grammer. And you should see the mourners! Some of them are so hot, the way they cry! I haven't experienced this much emotion at an event since Nancy Pelosi and I took too much acid at a Dead concert back in '74!"