Hillary asks Bush to end war before her term begins

By Bea Loughnee
Washington Reporter

WASHINGTON -- Sen. Hillary Rorschach Clinton, D-N.Y., asked President Bush on Sunday to kindly end the war in Iraq before her inauguration because, frankly, she'd rather not deal with it.

"The president has said this is going to be left to his successor," Clinton whined during a town hall meeting in Davenport, Iowa. "But that's just not fair! It's his war, he should finish it! I have no desire to mess around with a bunch of smelly men in dirty uniforms fighting about whatever it is men fight about!"

Clinton said she really wasn't very interested in playing with soldiers and would much rather stay at home and involve herself in domestic issues.

"I've spent my whole career preparing to heal the sick, care for the elderly, assist the poor and hang out with girlfriends and crack jokes about my husband. It's just not fair if I have to cut out one of those things and play war!"

At that the mostly female crowd erupted into cheers of "You go, girl!" and "Boys have cooties!"

Clinton demanded that President Bush end the war now and not leave it for a woman to clean up. 

"Wouldn't that be just typical of a man to make a mess and wait for a woman to come in behind him and clean it up?" Clinton asked to squeals of delight from the crowd. "Well, mister, that's not my job! I expect that by the time I take office in January two years from now, you'll have this war all tidied up and I can focus my energies on bending  the entire population of the United States to my iron will."