Al Gore wins Oscar, Nobel, Pulitzer, Booker, Miss America pageant and a brand new car

By Rock Squarejaw
Hollywood Reporter

HOLLYWOOD -- Former Vice President Al Gore was recognized today by international experts in the arts, sciences and humanities as the most intelligent, sophisticated, beautiful and talented human being on the planet.

Gore, who has busied himself with numerous efforts to save the human race from annihilation since he skillfully managed to simultaneously win and lose the 2000 presidential election to George W. Bush, swept every major artistic, scientific and humanitarian award for the year -- even ones not given out until year's end.

Gore easily won the Oscar for Best Documentary, as was widely expected. But he also took home the awards for Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Makeup. "Well, I had thought that Helen Mirren deserved to win," said Dame Judi Dench, the favorite for Best Actress. "But then I saw Mr. Gore stride through the room, and I knew the Oscar should be his. It's just a feeling one gets in the presence of greatness."

The Norwegian Nobel Committee decided to award this year's Nobel Peace Prize to Gore just two months after awarding last year's prize. "Vy vait?" said Ole Danbolt, chairman of the Nobel Committee. "Everyone knows he deserves it. Wizout him, ze planet vould be kaput! No use delaying the inevitable for anozer 10 months."

Gore also won the 2007 Pulitzer Prizes for fiction and non-fiction, the 2007 Booker Prize (despite not being British), the Miss America pageant, the Publisher's Clearinghouse sweepstakes, and a brand new car from "The Price is Right." 

"We know that Gore technically didn't write a work of fiction or non-fiction this year, but if he had, it surely would have won," Pulitzer spokesman Lee Terrary said. "So we just went ahead and gave him both prizes. We also threw in the prize for spot news reporting, since no one seems to care who wins that one anyway."

Wiping away tears, Gore expressed sincere thanks to the world's experts for their wisdom and good judgment.

"Thank you, thank you all," Gore said while holding his Best Documentary Oscar in his right hand, cradling his Nobel Peace Prize in the crook of his left arm and hugging his Pulitzer and Booker prizes to his belly with his left hand. "Thank you for recognizing my innate superiority to the rest of the human race, especially to Republicans and dwarves. I'd thank my family, friends, and colleauges, but they all know that I deserved every one of these prizes and would have won even if I'd never met or been influenced by any of them. So I won't waste your time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a planet to save."

Gore then tossed his awards to an aide, leapt into the air and flew out of sight, leaving a trail of purified air behind him.

Comments

[louielouie]

what about the world poker tournament??????

[Nick Blake]

Ya there world is so much better with George Bush as president. BTW..is that anything left for George to f..K up? People respond by saying "well, can you imagine what would have happened if Al Gore got in?". Question: If Al Gore got in, what could be worse? The dept? World opnion? Economy?

By the way, for all you "holy rollers" that voted for George because of his stance on abortion. You have what you need (Supreme Court Judges) to overrule legal abortion. Why hasn't Bush made this happen? Answer: He already got your vote. He doesn't HAVE to make it happen.

Lastly, what did George Sr, Reagan, Nixon do AFTER their presidency... Answer: Nothing except make more personal money. Why is this site set on belittling people who ACTUAL DO SOMETHING for humanity? I suppose Carter is your next victim?

[Middle of the Road]

The problem is that the Media is not just left of center, it is extreme left. Our higher education system is the same. How many writers for any major newpapers voted Republican? How many college professors voted Republican? If you said NONE that's probably a conservative estimate. Yet BUSH, (and spit when you say that), was elected by 51% of the population. All Republicans aren't clinic bombers or extreme Right. Most don't care about Roe v. Wade anymore and don't want God in schools. Democrats on the other hand ARE extreme Left. They tried to elect Kerry, the most traitorous, lying, enemy of our country, as president. That's as far Left as you can go. Even the Communist Party of the US supported him. And that's the first time they didn't provide their own candidate. Gore claims that Global Warming is caused by gas engines. No real scientist agrees. Cow farts create more hot house effect than gasoline. Which isn't saying we shouldn't get off of gasoline and quit making countries who hate us and support terrorists rich. It just means he's wrong, and stupid besides being obese and not practicing what he preaches with his house and jet travel. Incidentally, George Senior kicked ass in Iraq, and saved Kuwait from being overrun. Nixon actually WAS the president who got us out of Vietnam AND the one who opened up relations with China, unlike Clinton who declassified our multiple warhead technology and gave it to them except for the latest technology, which he sold them when he wasn't getting charged with being a serial rapist or embarrassing the US with blow jobs by a fat girl in the Oval Office. Reagan was, of course the guy who caused the Berlin Wall to be torn down and the Soviet Union to collapse besides giving us faith in our country again and if you have managed to ignore that you have lost the ability to respond rationally. And , of course, Carter was the guy who blew the rescue in the desert with multiple aircraft crashes AND who couldn't figure out what to do about our hostages in Iran for nearly a year and a half. Oh yes there was one other thing. He gave away the Panama Canal which was built on land purchased by the United States and which was built at the cost of 46,000 American lives. And now the elderly idiot is negotiating without authority and undermining our State Dept. like Kerry did with the North Vietnamese. You cannot believe the papers or the news. Find out the truth if you can.