Bomb attack sends angry Cheney rampaging through Afghanistan countryside

By Faruq Yusuf Jihadi
Terrorism Reporter

KABUL -- Terrorists thinking they could kill Vice President Dick Cheney with a suicide bomb attack at Bagram Air Force base outside Afghanistan's capital yesterday were given a rude awakening when the lethal blast merely angered Cheney, who then went on a rampage through the countryside, terrorizing villagers and children in his search for "terrorist bastards" to kill.

"The bomb did hit the vice president, a member of Cheney's Secret Service detail disclosed to Gunsnbutter last night. "Fortunately, it bounced off of his armor-like reptilian scales and he was able to coil into his natural defensive position before the blast. His body repelled the shrapnel, but it did sting a bit, and that really pissed him off."

An angry Vice President Cheney, scaly exoskeleton still smoldering from the blast, rose from the rubble and vengefully charged through the Afghanistan countryside in search of the perpetrators.

"Bomb make Cheney angry!" the vice president shouted repeatedly as he crushed small, stone huts and destroyed crops, occasionally adding, "Aaaaaaarrrrrr!"

The Secret Service caught up to the vice president 26 miles from Bagram and soothed him with bananas and Lionel Ritchie CDs until he finally calmed down enough to be brought back to the base for his own safety.

"That was a close one," the Secret Service agent said. "If he'd made it to Pakistan, it would've been a major international incident. What were those terrorists thinking? You never, ever anger a Cheney."