By Rock Squarejaw
Hollywood Reporter
HOLLYWOOD -- Millions recoiled in incredulous shock today as Hollywood music and film mogul David Geffen claimed that Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., and her husband, former President Bill Clinton, do not always tell the truth.
"Everybody in politics lies, but they (the Clintons) do it with such ease, it's troubling," Geffen told New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd, according to suckers who have paid subscriptions to Times Select.
The comment shook America to its very foundations. Both the New York Stock Exchange and the NASDAQ index crashed on news of Geffen's comments, sending panic through Wall Street as nervous and bewildered traders and investors grappled with the idea that their government might be less than truthful in its dealings with American business.
Across America, average citizens reacted in stunned disbelief.
"Why, the Clintons lying? That's an outrage!" said Earl Bean, 82, of Topeka, Kan. "You can't believe nothin' that comes out of Hollywood! Shame on David Geffen! I'll never listen to Nirvana again!"
Bernice Tyler, 46, of Jack Springs, Ala., said her entire faith in the American system of government had been compromised by Geffen's scandalous allegation.
"If we can't believe our very own president, who can we believe?" she asked pleadingly. "And to demean the former first lady of the United States! Does that man have no decency? To call a president and a U.S. senator liars -- and Bill and Hillary Clinton at that! -- well, I just pray that the American people recall their fond memories of the Clinton years -- of all the young women the president helped find internships and other jobs in government, of the eight years of prosperity and a smiling, happy chief executive who reassured the nation by golfing a lot in tight trousers -- and come to their own conclusions."
Even in foreign capitals the reaction to Geffen's comments was strong. In London, British Prime Minister Tony Blair said, "Bill Clinton, lie? Good heavens! Why, I'd sooner surrender our nation's honor by retreating from the terrorist brutes in Iraq than stand for such slander!"
In related news, Geffen went missing today, and while Internet rumors claim that he committed suicide in Fort Marcy Park near Washington, D.C., they are unsubstantiated.
The title of this post alone is worth the click. Keep the faith.
Posted by: Blue Gal | February 27, 2007 at 02:14 PM