Chicago-born Hillary Clinton fakes Chicago accent

By Bea Loughnee
Washington Reporter

CHICAGO -- Chicago-area native Hillary Rorschach Clinton affected a Chicago accent at a campaign rally here today, surprising the many supporters who presumed she was from someplace else.

"'Ow 'bout dem Bulls, eh?" said Clinton as she strode on stage wearing a Chicago Bears jersey and Chicago Cubs baseball cap. "As yous guys know, I'm grew up in Pahk Rige, rootin' fer da Cubbies and, ah, that football team we all love. . ." she glanced down at her jersey, "da Bears!"

Local meatpacker Brian Pulanski said he was surprised to learn that Clinton was from the area. "I heard her speak to that group in Manhattan dis week, an' I t'ought she was from Tennessee. I didn't know she was one ah us," he said between bites of one of the enormous "Clinton's Giant Sausages" the campaign was selling for refreshment.

"My Gad, I need a sassage!" Clinton exclaimed in the middle of her speech. "Somebody get me a sammich and a pop!"

Hairdresser Sheila Grabowski said she was definitely going to vote for Clinton after hearing her local accent.

"For someone to make her staff research local history so she can pretend to remember it from her childhood, and to spend so much energy learning the accent to trick us into voting for her, you know, it really shows tremendous initiative. If she'll lie to me about something as fundamental as her dialect, just imagine how duplicitous she'll be when dealing with Ahmadinejad or Putin. We definitely need a president who will stoop to any low to get what she wants."