Harry Reid declares local Little League season 'lost'

By Bea Loughnee
Washington Reporter

WASHINGTON -- Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid declared today that the Reno Little League Braves' sub-par 2-8 season was "lost" and the eight year olds would be better off giving up and going home.

"Look, I support the team," Reid said. "But honestly, they're 2-8. There's no way they'll come back from this miserable a start. I say their parents bring them home where at least they won't run the risk of pulling a hamstring or something. They can sit on the porch and eat ice cream for the rest of the season. It's safer and less humiliating."

Gerald Natters, 35, parent of eight-year-old Brave player Willie Natters (0.0025 avg., 17 errors), said he appreciated Reid's honest assessment of the team's chances.

"The coach wants the kids to learn things like perseverance, teamwork, and commitment," Natters said while watching his son's team lose to the rival Phillies 27-1. "But let's face it, everyone knows that these kids are only out here to fulfill the dashed athletic dreams of their middle-aged fathers, who fill them with all sorts of false hope about their ability to win against heavy odds and emerge triumphant in the end. Sen. Reid is right. They're losers. We might as well tell them now so they'll get used to the idea and not come to that realization at age 33 and turn to drinking two six-packs a day to dull their disappointment."

Despite the team voting 14-1 to keep playing because, in the words of coach Dan Kilbreth, "We believe in ourselves," the parents took Reid's advice, canceled the remainder of the season, sent the kids to the babysitter's and went to Vegas for the weekend.

"Why stick it out against tough odds when you can quit and go to Vegas?" Braves mom Jane Falvey said. 

Comments

[BelchSpeak]

Just yesterday, Harry Reid declared my carkeys officially lost. So I gave up looking for them and just make my wife drive me around. That man is so wise!