Hillary Clinton video game released today

By Bea Loughnee
Washington Reporter

SANTA MONICA, Calif. -- Activision, Inc. today released its long-awaited Hillary Clinton action-adventure game "Hillary's Quest." The game features Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., taking on a series of increasingly difficult challenges throughout her life, beginning with sexism in the maternity ward (she stands and lectures the male infants on women's rights before battling a giant, sexist baby named Wayne) and running through her later adventures capturing terrorists in Afghanistan, chasing drug dealers from inner city neighborhoods, and defeating Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a martial arts death match.

"Dude! I can't wait to play the Hussies sequence, it's supposed to be awesome!" said 13-year-old Jared Umber of Kalamazoo, Mich. "You have to hunt President Clinton's mistresses inside the White House, and they're, like, everywhere, you know, coming out of all the closets and stuff, and you get to cat fight them, and in the end you have to fight Monica Lewinsky while Bill comes out in his boxers and starts throwing stuff at you. Totally freakin' awesome! I hear there's a secret code that if you use you can even see nipple!"

The game was originally to come with an alternative story line designed for Republicans and Barack Obama fans that featured Sen. Clinton as a monster of unrivaled ambition and duplicity who has to be defeated to save the planet. But company executives said it was so close to real life that they feared no one would play it.