By Bea Loughnee
Washington Reporter
RICHMOND -- Every elected official in the state of Virginia was forced to resign today when it was discovered that each of them had said the "n-word" at some point in their lives. The resignations left both parties desperately searching for a single Virginian who has never uttered the offensive word.
The mass resignations, unprecedented in American politics, came a day after Va. Sen. George Allen and his challenger, former Navy Secretary James Webb, both dropped out of the U.S. Senate race for having used the "n-word" in the past to refer to African-Americans. So far, neither party has found any state resident suitable for public office.
"We thought we'd found someone down in Danville, but a former second-grade classmate said she'd heard him repeat the word after hearing an older boy say it on the school bus," said state GOP Chairman Kate Obenshain Griffin.
The Democrats were doing no better. Even after scouring inner-city Richmond and the entire UVA faculty, the party could find no one, white or black, whose lips had never formed the word.
"Currently we're searching for someone who's just moved here from Croatia," said former Democratic Gov. Tim Kaine, who spoke while cleaning out his office. "We found one woman who'd recently arrived from Thailand, but she was a big 50 Cent fan. I think she'd uttered the word more times than my neighbors, who are total crackers."
Party officials said they are currently working on a compromise in which black Virginians agree to accept a white candidate who has said the n-word, and whites agree to accept a black candidate who has used the word, "honkey."
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