By Bea Loughnee
Washington Reporter
WASHINGTON -- Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass., used an arcane Senate procedure to procure a bottle of Scotch whiskey and six bags of pork rinds from a Senate liquor cabinet and pantry, his spokesman confirmed today.
Kennedy, a master of Senate rules, used a procedure called a "secret hold" to remove one 750 ml. bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label whiskey, valued at $200, and six 2-oz. bags of Carolina Country Snacks pork rinds, valued at $6, from the Democratic cloakroom and keep them inside his Capitol Hill office for eight hours, his spokesman admitted.
The Scotch and pork rinds were discovered missing by the sleuthing bloggers at www.porkbusters.org, a website many believe is devoted to the controversial sport of rodeo swine riding, but which is actually dedicated to exposing government waste.
"With so many heavy drinkers in the Senate, it wasn't easy finding out who placed the hold," said Porkbusters co-founder Glenn Reynolds. "But the pork rinds were helpful, in that they allowed us to instantly rule out Sens. Feingold, Schumer, Lieberman, Feinstein, Wyden, Kohl, and a few others. After that, we let our army of bloggers do their thing, and in a few hours we had our man."
Blogger N.Z. Bear of The Truth Laid Bear, also a co-founder of porkbusters, said he was not surprised at the incredible speed with which the hold was discovered.
"Never get between a blogger and a bottle of booze," he said.
Despite the bloggers' success in revealing Kennedy's secret hold, the items themselves have yet to be located. Kennedy's spokesman said the senator no longer has them and does not know their whereabouts.
He also vehemently denied that Sen. Kennedy had anything to do with yesterday's secret hold, which was placed on "a stack of nudie magazines and a package of ho-hos."
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