By Bea Loughnee
Washington Reporter
WASHINGTON -- Senate pages said today they were "totally creeped out" after reading confidential love letters between 83-year-old Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, and his 74-year-old wife, Catherine.
For the Senate, the letters were quite racy:
Ted: Catherine, how I long to unclasp your bodice and hold you dearly, by and by.
Catherine: Oh, Theodore! My love for thee bursts forth like a sprite upon the dawn of a dewy spring morn!
Ted: My dearest Catherine, I know of a little island not far from the international aeroport that bears my name. When I am home next, we can take an excursion there. I have secured a bridge to make the journey less cumbersome. Perhaps we can stroll together along the shore, me with my trousers rolled up, and you with your dress pulled above your ankles, just so.
Catherine: Darling Theodore! How I miss you so! I swell with such emotion that I fear I shall startle the donkeys! My corset strains with the force of my love for you, adored husband! Treasured companion!
Ted: Most beloved Catherine, I have asked the magic gnome to get this damned internet to my wife, but alas my efforts have been in vain. I fear we shall forever be resigned to writing our most intimate thoughts on paper, which is a most risky enterprise for a politician of my rank and stature. I long for the secrecy of this internet so that we may be free to engage in more frolicsome correspondence!
The letters, accidentally made public when a senior Senate staffer mistook them for historical papers and delivered them to the Senate historian last week, prompted an outraged denunciation from 88-year-old Sen. Robert Byrd, D-W.Va., who protested the "defiling of the Senate with such salacious talk" and demanded that Sen. Stevens be reprimanded for "corrupting the virtue of such a ripe young maiden."
Senate pages said that the letters were "seriously gross because, you know, who wants to think about old people doing, you know..."
Yet the pages did say the scandal provided the most excitement the Senate has seen in years.
Said one Senate page who did not want to be named, "Since I've been here, I think four of my five senses have died. This place is as exciting as my grandma's sewing room. I'd rather be locked in a 5x10 room all day with Dennis Kucinich and John Murtha than sit through another Senate session."
In a joint statement, Senate pages asked if they could trade jobs with their House counterparts.
"House pages get to see all the action," the statement read. "Mark Foley is totally creepy and everything, but getting to see scandals unfold right before our eyes is why we came to Washington in the first place. Who wants to learn about how a bill becomes a law? We want to see intrigue, scandal and cover-up; we want to see grown men weeping and guys in charcoal suits doing perp walks down the marbled corridors of power. Let's face it, working in the House would be a lot more fun than listening to Sen. Specter talk about his grandkids or Sen. Hatch talk about, well, about anything."
Ha ha ha ha, boy this is funny, and I mean realllly funny, ha ha ha
Posted by: Greg the greg | October 09, 2006 at 06:10 PM