By Vladimir Chang
Authoritarianism Correspondent
BAGHDAD -- Even as Saddam Hussein's guilty verdict reverberated throughout the courtroom, Hussein's high-profile American lawyer, former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark, was on the phone to North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il, seeking to represent him.
"It was totally insulting," Hussein said. "He still has to represent me in the appeal, and there he is ringing up other murderous despots begging to take their cases. I can see if I was already dead, but damn. The judge was still reading the verdict. That's just cold, man. I hope he knows I'm not paying for that. Dude does his personal business on his own time. I ain't payin'."
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he's received dozens of solicitations from Clark.
"I got letters, phone messages, e-mails, telegrams, you name it. He even tried to IM me, but I blocked him. Said he was a big-shot American lawyer with all these political connections and could help me when -- when, not if, I loved that -- I came before an international court. But I've seen his client list. They're all dead or in prison. Thanks, but no thanks. When my time comes, I'll take my chances with a random public defender."
North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il said he is considering taking Clark as his attorney.
"Jimmy Carter my good friend. Me smoke crack with Jimmy Carter, make many joke about Bush. Jimmy say he good, he good. But I want to pay him in rice. He no take rice. Maybe he take signed photograph of me?"
Other world leaders contacted repeatedly by Clark include Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez, and David Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff was elected to the German Bundestag in absentia last year and is expected to be charged with crimes against humanity for his entire body of work.
AWESOME!
Posted by: Circe | November 08, 2006 at 02:12 PM