Heroic dog sacrifices cat to save family

By Bo Hinglethorn
Boring Local Crap Reporter

PLAINFIELD, Texas. -- Roscoe, the Butler family's 4-year-old German Shepherd, became a local hero last night when he bravely sacrificed Mimi, the family's 6-year-old house cat, to save his owners from a fire that mysteriously started near Mimi's litter box in the basement.

"If it wasn't for Roscoe, we'd all have been burnt up like crumbs at the bottom of the toaster that you just can't get out and they keep gettin' blacker and blacker every time you toast something," Dan Butler, 31, said. "Yeah, exactly like that. He's a genuine hero, that dog."

The fire began in the basement around 9:01 last night, firefighters said. It appears to have been caused by a can of gasoline falling onto an empty dog food bag filled with matches and cigarette butts. One of the butts was still smoldering, which ignited the gasoline.

"It's weird because I don't remember filling an empty dog food bag with cigarette butts and matches, and storing it in the basement under the gas can," Butler said. "But I must have because there it was, like it had been filled and then dragged down the steps by someone who didn't have opposable thumbs. Weird."

When the fire started, Roscoe leapt into action.

"The best we can figure, that dog grabbed the nearest thing he could find and threw it on the fire to try to smother it," said Fire Dept. Captain Ed Tevung. "Unfortunately, the nearest thing was the cat."

Despite his efforts, Roscoe was unable to put out the fire, though he tried valiantly.

"Based on the burn marks and paw impressions, it appears that Roscoe held Mimi down to better smother the fire," Tevung said. "That is one smart dog, I tell you what."

When it became evident that the tabby was not large enough to smother the fire, "Roscoe apparently grabbed Mimi, carried her up two flights of stairs and flung the burning cat out the window to attract the attention of passers-by, who then called the fire department on their cell phones." Tevung said. "Like I said, that is one smart dog."

Roscoe is being rewarded for his heroism with a steak dinner and a day at the doggy spa, Butler said.

"It's too bad about Mimi," he said. "The girls are sure going to miss her, I know. But thank God for Roscoe's quick thinking, or we might all be burnt up like tater tots left in the oven too long. That dog is a genuine hero, and you know what? I think he knows it, too. He's had a peculiar expression on his face ever since that flaming cat flew out the second-story window. I think he knows he did the right thing."

Comments

[Al LaHooakbar]

I am telling you, this is conspiracy! The dog is most assuredly a neo-con zionist who simply wanted to kill the cat. Why? Because the cat was Persian. Now cowardly dog is hero to all who read about him in american press. The cat is a martyr and be remembered as such. Many will remember this day. Many.

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