John Kerry says he's finally ready to defend self against former middle school tormentor

By Bea Loughnee
Washington Reporter

BOSTON -- Former Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry said today that if his old sixth-grade nemesis challenges him on the playground again, he'll be ready this time.

"I've spent 50 years thinking up witty come-backs and practicing defending myself against wedgies, Indian arm-burns, and titty twisters," Kerry said in an interview today. "So bring it on, D.J. Butterfield! This time I shall issue the thrashing, and the payback I dispense shall be thrice-fold! I mean, three-fold!"

Kerry also said he would be sure to know the answers to tonight's "Jeopardy!" when he catches the show in reruns next summer.

Comments

[Carole]

Kerry is just such a hunk, he is so strong and confident
about himself as he lives out his days in the swamp as
the Lead Frog, the big guy, the hero of the wars, the
big frog who found a rich little girl frog and married her in a very special frog wedding. The sound of croaking
cheers came from all ove the swamp, making a lovely chorus
of Dirty Frog Dancing.

How cute they looked, each one praying as hard as they
could, please ! Let him/her change into a prince/princess.

How sad, no change, however he needed her money so he
took her home to her bigger swamp and did they llve ever
more happy in this bigger swamp?

Now, he says he is a frog who can take on any bully who
thinks they can take him on. This won't last long as
there is a young handsome frog just waiting for the chance
at the money. Oh well, he got a million or two from the
money gathered for his run for president to keep his
fridge full of flies. Yum

Poor old Kerry frog, he lives in his frog head, never
realizing he is the only person in the country who thinks
he could be the king of the Swamp.

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